Join Gertie's Community


16 August 2012

He's Just Not That Into You

Wow, I am sick of women today! And I love women normally, I'm a girls girl. What drives me stark raving bonkers, incandescent with rage however, is when cool, clever women become naval gazing, whiney, needy messes over unworthy men. Don't get me wrong, I like men too (a lot!)...

A good friend of mine, she won't mind me saying I'm sure(!), isn't the best at picking a good un when it comes to the male of the species. I really need to go on the pull with her disguised as a pot plant sometime soon to see what on earth she is projecting to attract such men. Commitment-phobes have followed ruthless cheaters, game players, straight up players, gypsies tramps & thieves etc etc... you get the picture...

In my day (circa 1900), there were rules. Follow them to success, ignore them at your peril ladies!! So girls, instead of boring your friends to DEATH analysing every conversation you have ever had with your man to see if he really loves you, can you please just read and stick to the following...

Gertie's Guide to Guys:

1, Converse! No not the trainers. When you meet a guy, don't just mark his abs out of 10 before taking him home. Have a conversation! Make sure he can spell his own name, has a proper job, can make you laugh, hasn't got any gang sign tattoos or an excessively long criminal record.

2, Dress for Success. If you would like to attract a classy guy, don't dress like a bar tart.

3, Flirt. Bat your eyelashes, laugh with your girlfriends while sharing lingering glances with him, and then ignore him for a while before starting again. Play it out for as long as possible before making any kind of contact. You're worth waiting for... which brings me onto my next point.

4, Wait for it! Do NOT have sex with any man on the first night you meet. Kissing only please. I know, I know... the champers has been flowing and it's all you can think about but make him wait. Besides, he might say he will still respect you in the morning but he won't. Sex is FORBIDDEN until your 3rd date. And I mean date, not phone conversation.

5, Don't initiate anything. Don't offer him your number, let him ask for it. If he doesn't then he's just not that into you. Don't ask him when he's going to call, don't set up your first date, don't ask him for his number! Be aloof!! This beginning point is crucial... Don't compromise.

6, First date rules. He calls you and asks you on a date. Make sure it's something/ somewhere you're comfortable with... Not windsurfing or to an S&M party... Unless you're into that of course! Be aloof but fun, dress casually for your comfort, let your natural flirt out - stuff we all do when we are attracted to someone - eye contact, touching our hair and lips, brushing his knee with yours etc etc. It's animal instinct and doesn't need to be checked if it's natural. For the love of God, don't try to affect any of these things or you'll look like you've escaped from somewhere. Most importantly, be relaxed and be yourself.

NB. If he doesn't call you, he's just not that into you! Move on!!

7, Textuality. I will allow you to send him a text on the evening of the day afterwards to thank him for a lovely time. Then no more contact until he calls you for another date.

NB. If he doesn't call you, he's just not that into you! Move on!!

8, And so on. Continue like this, slowly but surely with him making all the moves until he's in love with you. It really is this simple. Make sure you capture control the first night and you hold onto this until you have sex when naturally, all your cards will be on the table. So to speak!

If something goes wrong... He doesn't call, he seems off on the second date, you fall over drunk and don't make it to bed on your third night, you accidentally burp after too much champers at dinner, let it roll. NEVER question his mood, admit to being wrong, draw attention to a faux pas. If he stops calling then you know what...


G x


Post a Comment