To crush or not to crush?

To crush or not to crush? THAT is the question...

Well no, it's not actually a question is it? It's an inevitable reality. It doesn't matter how happy we are, how strong our relationship or how long it has endured, we will naturally develop crushes on people other than our spouses along the way. And is it such a bad thing?

Crushes give an extra dimension to our lives. A secret friend, a chance encounter, a flirty conversation. And then... Our imaginations run wild, our pulses quicken, we are teenagers again with lust in our eyes and fires in our loins. The truth is, that as we get older, crushes are proof of our everlasting vitality...

This is all well and good, as long as you know where to draw the line. I'm not promoting affairs here! Nor am I saying that in cases of dysfunctional and unhappy marriages, crushes can't lead onto happiness but I think it's important to see a crush for what it is. If reciprocated, it can be a lovely ego boost and if not, then purely mental stimulus! After all, we all know that the grass isn't actually greener on the other side, and that no one can kiss as well as they do in the land of fantasy. (Well actually I do, but that's another story)

A married girlfriend of mine, she won't mind me mentioning I'm sure, recently developed a crush on a guy she met through mutual friends. He was some sort of athlete, physically gorgeous and charismatic, although follicley challenged I have no doubt. She just wasn't tall enough to see! She hadn't been feeling great about herself so the attention from a new man did her confidence the World of good. This would have been fine if she had left it on this footing but swept away by lust, she swept him off and kissed him, only to discover that he was a bad kisser. (I mean REALLY bad, there was biting and everything!) The spell was broken, she fell to earth with a bump and guilt washed over her as she weighed up everything that she had risked... for a bad kiss! Let this be a lesson! ;)

In the age of social networking it is so easy to connect with people. So easy to stalk our ex's... as if you've never done that... and to take new crushes onto deeper and infinitely more dangerous levels. I for one, am always tweeting Rupert Penry Jones! I'm sure that one day, he will tweet back. *sigh*

So how to control your crush and use it as a positive force instead of letting it destroy your life!

Gertie's Guide to Controlling Crushes: *whip cracks* Down Boy!

1. Put it in Perspective: A crush should only ever be used for light entertainment! As soon as real feelings develop you need to back away and reassess your situation. Maybe you need something you're not getting at home. This may be reassurance that you're still sexy and appealing? Wouldn't it be better to realize what you're lacking and address it with your partner first? Crushes can sometimes help you see what you are lacking in your relationship and that can be a constructive thing.


2. Keep it as a fantasy: Flirting is all good, in any circumstance, on all levels and I advocate it but make sure you know where your boundaries are. Don't be naive in the situations that you get yourself into. If your crush is asking you out for a drink and a ride on his motorbike, just you two, then you know he wants more than the fantasy sister!


3. Keep it fair: If it's natural for you to have crushes it's also natural for your significant other so think about how you'd feel. Is it OK for him to flirt in a big group but not cool to have further contact? Then the same rules should apply to you.

To crush it is then, in answer to the question. But advance at your own risk!

Photo credit: o5com